Sunday--and Sick

For the last 24 hours I have been under-the-weather! I went and saw Avatar in 3D IMAX and folks that was all she wrote! I felt sick the whole movie, sick with a headache afterward and by that evening I was down for the count! I have spent the last 24 hours in and out of sleeping, feeling nauseous, with vertigo--sort of like the flu! I am still trying to surface from the nausea! This has never happened before to me! I got a little motion sick the last time I went to the IMAX and I went and saw Toy Story in 3D, but the combination of the two------UGH!!! I haven't felt this bad physically in along time! I am not sure if it is a combination of my medicine and the movie---but I am so ready for this feeling to go away! Depression probably isn't helping, but I am definitely green to the gills today!

Hopefully tomorrow--I will feel better!

Christine

It's Saturday--Jump for Joy!

Picture from: http://farm1.static.flickr.com/56/126661740_09fc5a03ab.jpg

Quote: Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. --Mother Teresa

Today I am feeling good--I thought I would talk about Joy and its importance in my life.  Joy isn't something that happens every once in a blue moon (though there are days that we feel like that). Joy is there to experience every day in both the little and big things! If you look at the definition of joy it says "keen happiness" --how often am I walking around with that? I like 'state of happiness', it sounds better. Instead of being in a state of chronic depression, suddenly I am in a state of happiness! Doesn't that sound like a much nicer prescription/cure? Mull that over...

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Joy:

1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son's success.

2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prose style is a pure joy.
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.
4. a state of happiness or felicity.
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Have you thought about it? What it would feel like to be in a state of happiness? Would it be harder than being in a state of unhappiness? Or misery? I don't know it must be because it is certainly easier to maintain the unhappy and misery in my life.  I think if we took the word "dwell" and "stew" out of our vocabulary perhaps those negative thoughts that keep the joy from are hearts would magically disappear? Or not? While I don't like to "stew" over my emotions--I certainly do like a good pot of Beef Stew! LOL  So the elusive Joy--how do I bring you and keep you in my life?


I found this one webpage that had this to say:
-Joy is a state of being that enters your heart when you are open to learning and taking loving care of yourself.
-Joy, like love and truth, is a gift of Spirit. Joy, love and truth enter your being when your heart is open. Joy is the feeling of exuberance and oneness that envelopes you    once you have opened to feeling your pain, learning from it, and moving through it.
-Joy cannot enter your heart when you are protected against your pain. When you protect against your pain, you close your heart to avoid the pain, and joy cannot enter a closed heart. Thus, joy is the result of doing your inner work to learn to keep your heart open.
(for full article see: Finding Joy by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


Hmm sounds pretty simple the formula for joy is:
1 part Love and Respect for Self + 1 Part letting go of Pain/Anger/Regret + 1 1/2 Parts Choice and Attitude + 1/2 part Deservability=JOY!!!


Sounds like a good formula to me! Now I just have to implement  it! LOL

Accepting Change

Impact Factor-Stages of Change 

Change, when I think about change thoughts pop into my head like: hard, painful, excruciating; basically any negative word in the book.  But nothing--I mean nothing POSITIVE seems to come to mind---which is a darn shame.  I went out and searched on Accepting Change and I found a great article on  LiveStrong.com about accepting change.  The article reminded me why I usually am resistant to change--it impacts my cozy little life.  You know the one that can be dysfunctional, sad, stressed out or unhappy. Yep, that one--it may have stinky parts--but the stench you know is better than the chance something truly rancid might come along right? Y/N  Negative thoughts and fear seem to eradicate the benefits of change: personal growth, new experiences, free your mind from the past and an allow you to contemplate your dreams. There are a lot of positives of change if we learn to ACCEPT change as part of life, that through change we learn how to live and be stronger, kinder and more compassionate of ourselves and toward others.  

Now comes the hard part--in order to accept change you have to do some work: 1. You have to accept the past as what it is: The past-it already happened you can't change it!  You can apologize/make amends but that is all.  2. Let  go the feelings of shame, anger and fear that keeps us STUCK in the unhealthy familiar! You have to let go of the negative thoughts to make room for the new ones!  3. You have to accept change for what it is--a time when life is going to be different than it was before! Be open to it! Tell yourself that change is necessary, change is exciting, be hopeful, have a good ATTITUDE about it! Stop saying you CAN'T change--if you think you can't change than you won't---before you know it you will be back in the same spot as before.   The article I referenced above goes into a lot of detail on change! So take a peek!  LiveStrong.com   

Live in the Moment

Picture from:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/herefordandworcester/content/images/2007/09/28/sunrise_01_406x304.jpg

Quotes:

If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today. Anonymous

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present.
Jan Glidewell 

If you are still talking about what you did yesterday, you haven't done much today.Anonymous  
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My thoughts have been all over the place these last few days! I can honestly say I have felt like I am unraveling! I have cried, I have eaten ALOT for comfort, to feel "FULL" when I feel empty inside! I have been overwhelmed with NEGATIVE thoughts, so much that you couldn't find a positive one through the Negativity Thunderstorm in my head! It has been crazy--and for a lady who at times has felt crazy out of control because of her depression the last few days have been awful!  Yesterday, I found out was my last day of Out-patient therapy, I didn't know it was coming! I thought I had one more day!  In the middle of a session the one nurse who does the 'paperwork' put a clipboard in front of my face and said fill this out, today is your last day! Talk about compassion! The doctor was there that day, he saw everyone but me! I hadn't seen him in a week, but he didn't bother to see me before saying--'discharged'.  I suppose when the insurance says "Time's up" they just shut that mental door!  It wasn't all that bad the one therapist did come and talk to me (since she knew I was having a bad day) and said I could come back tomorrow if I needed it! But I figured I should just cut the umbilical cord now! 
The rest of the day was filled with overeating (I ate 4 donuts) and feeling sorry for myself! 
    

Live in the Moment

http://cynthiazhai.wordpress.com/category/peace-in-mind/

Detachment

Definition from Websters:

Main Entry: de·tached 

Pronunciation: \di-ˈtacht, dē-\

Function: adjective

Date: circa 1706

1 : standing by itself : separate, unconnected; especially : not sharing any wall with another building 
2 : exhibiting an aloof objectivity usually free from prejudice or self-interest 

synonyms see indifferent

— de·tached·ly  \-ˈta-chəd-lē, -ˈtacht-lē\ adverb

— de·tached·ness  \-ˈta-chəd-nəs, -ˈtacht-nəs\ noun

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Learning Detachment -AL-NON

I am in the process of learning detachment, to love someone but to not get sucked into the actions that I cannot control- to not feel the guilt, to let it impact my mood, my healing.  Detachment sounds harsh--but it is not.  I use the words from Al-ANON,  "Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person’s alcoholism can have upon our lives".  My issues are not alcoholism--but the words speak the truth to me.

Ooh Child Things are going to get easier........

   Picture from: http://xf8.xanga.com/3aa1943614133230874626/z155047562.jpg

  Today.......was an emotional and draining roller-coaster, I was sad and cried a lot today! I cried in therapy, I cried on the phone when my MOM called to check on me after seeing my morning post (note to self--Mom is reading blog! Keep it Clean! LOL). I cried, I was sad, when I got home therapy, I laid on the couch with my blanket...I ate too much stuff, I played Bejewelled on the DSi, I tried to watch this weird movie on SciFi called Caprica but it was just getting too weird for me so I stopped! Then I decided to go to an OA meeting (for those who don't know that is Overeaters Anonymous) it was a struggle to go because I was in the sad/negative thoughts/emotionally drained place.  While driving in the car, to the OA meeting,  I flipped through my IPOD for some music to "help" my mood.  A lot of the times, if I listen to a song, watch a video it can help me get out of "MY HEAD", away from my thoughts that had held me hostage for most of the day!   I found some--I started with Cheap Trick's, "Surrender" and then went to Queen's "We are the Champions" and "We Will Rock  You" both of which I sang at the TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!  

Think Positive

Picture from: http://smallbizbee.com/index/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/think.jpg


Rough morning today--battling lots of thoughts and negative feeling! Focusing on Positive Thoughts........working through the negativ ones..........

Where is my Faith?

Picture from: http://www.rainbowcrystal.com/stainedglasspix/faith.jpg

It is Sunday and in an 1 hour and a half I will be in church listening to Pastor Betsy's sermon and trying to strengthen my relationship with God.  My relationship with God is a perplexing one--I believe in a Higher Power! I believe that someone has protected and guided me through the dark hours of my life! I believe that same entity has brought people into my life to help me heal and become happy! I believe all of these things! But it took me a long time to realize there was a missing component--my faith! The people, God's strength, the support--they were there all of the time for me to embrace, if only I would have been open to it! If only I would have stopped beating myself up with the negative thoughts and self-hatred!

GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!! It's Saturday!!!!!! WooHoo!

Picture: http://www.planetpinkngreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/wallpaper_gratitude_p78de.jpg 
Yeah! It is Saturday! It is 6 a.m. and I am up, my cat Quincy is by my side and I am having a cup of tea!   I just read the thought for the day and "WOW", I feel like it was meant just for me! The title is "New Energy Coming --Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, and life becomes worth living. And we become grateful. —Beyond Codependency.  That is exactly how I feel right now except  my new energy is already here!  I am having fun, laughing, enjoying life more and I am more open to love and affection.  The feeling inside of me is growing and building everyday!  These new positive thoughts are "contagious" (in a good way :0) )  I am more aware of the good in life and I am so grateful for this awareness!  It is like the negative energy that was smothering me--finally has lifted and I am able to breathe fresh air for the first time in well FOREVER! 

It is Friday afternoon and I am sitting at Mokabees having a cup of moroccan mint green tea. I have had a good day so far, I went to therapy which reinforced the benefits of the changing my negative thinking! I found this picture about Hugs and I realized I haven't given myself a hug today.

So here goes....I look good today, I have on my maroon sweater and scarf and it is 
an AWESOME color on me! I am relaxed, It is amazing how much progress I have made this week with my outlook on life! I realized that I have been letting the depression control me--

Waiting for Friday!

Hi all,  I typed in Friday Funny in Google and I found this cute pic called "Waiting for Friday!"

Guess what! Your waiting is over 

it is 

FINALLY Friday !!!!!

I hope everyone has an AWESOME Friday!

Pic website is: http://www.pjlighthouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/waiting-for-friday-cute-baby-01.jpg 

Always Look on the Bright Side
of Life (from Monty Python)

words and music by Eric Idle 
 Listen: LoFi 

Some things in life are bad

They can really make you mad

Other things just make you swear and curse.

When you're chewing on life's gristle

Don't grumble, give a whistle

And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...

Always look on the light side of life...

Thursday Thoughts

Happy Thursday!

Well today is a rainy overcast day! No Sunshine in sight! So here's a little sunshine to brighten your day!

Today I did something for myself, I volunteered my time for an organization I believe in Microfinancing Partners of Africa.

What I did today wasn't hard,

it was putting together cards to sell for an upcoming Charity Benefit---all it took was my time! But the best part was volunteering gave me so much more than the "cost" of 3 hours of my time! It actually is making me "Healthier".  Skeptical?  Don't be there are lots of articles on the benefits of volunteerism! (ex: In A Month of Giving A Healthy Reward).  

Happy Wednesday! Are you smiling yet?

I woke up this morning anxious and in a cold sweat! Not exactly sure why, sometimes that just happens! I exercised 10 minutes and then I was so edgy, I got off the treadmill. This may sound like the start of a bad day--but it is not! I am starting to calm down by focusing on something else! I am making a choice to focus on things that are positive... because I know if I think, "Today's going to suck, it will". I know that I will look at the rainy overcast sky and think what a dreary day--everything about today with be negative! I can almost guarantee you that I will hit traffic I will probably say the #$#@$#$ words and start becoming overly anxious about being late (something I hate!!!). Then I know I will feel like I am late all day....and this will make my day "crappy". However, I am not going to do that, I am going to be positive and grateful for what I have! So, I only exercised 10 minutes---it was ten minutes more than I did in the last 3 weeks! If I hit traffic--no amount of cursing is going to make the traffic move--so I will pick a peppy tune on my IPOD and do a little dance (I am into the Black Eyed Peas at the moment!--Yeah, I know me and the Black Eyed Peas--whoda thunk it? LOL!).

January 19th Verbal Hug

Happy Tuesday!

It is beautiful outside! Hmm, you think not? Think again! You have so many things to be grateful and happy about!

Weather not perfect? Is it rainy, cold or overcast? So what!!!! Inside you are sunny aren't you? Can you think of one thing in nature that you find beauty in? The other day, I saw this beautiful cardinal in a tree outside the church window when I was visiting my Pastor. It was the reddest cardinal I have ever seen! The day was cold and cloudy but here was this bird--it made me smile!  So when you go out today--can't you find something in nature that brings you a smile or joy?

Hmm.... today what are you grateful for?

The best day of your life is the one.......

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

 Bob Moawad quotes

I found this quote and it speaks to me.... it says everything that I have been trying to wrestle with in my mind--how do I get from here to there? How do I move beyond my depression, my fears, my overeating? How do I become happy? How do I start to live and take control of my life rather than feeling like it is controlling me? It is simple--it is a decision, a choice, a desire that my life is my own and I am going to live it in such a way that makes me happy, brings me spiritual and emotional joy! The wisest part of the message--is that it can start today, this minute, this second---if I choose to make it happen! That is the key--it is my choice! 

Today, I am making that choice to be assertive in my life instead of passive! To live life instead of walking around in a fog waiting for things to 'magically happen'.

Today, yes today the real work begins